6/22/10

The Germalian Society of Fine Arts Presents: Skullcrusher Mountain

I haven't made a D&D update in quite a while, so here's the abbreviated version of Events Up Until Now:
-We have made it across the enemy-infested continent of Nibelung in record time, and escaped their eastern port with only minor trouble.
-The next stop was the country Bastion, and Morrigan's home town of Havenloft. She reunited with the Mother Superior of the church-cum-orphanage at which she grew up.
-There was a quest for an ancient potion that was rumored to cure the Spell Plague, which is otherwise uncureable. And usually deadly. Matthias had a personal quest to find a chick (who had the spell plague) and inform her that her father was dead and she should head back home to take over his rule of the town.
-Morrigan and Kaelin discovered some disturbing things about the history of Bastion and Edgewater that changes just about everything they thought they knew (or didn't remember, in Kaelin's case).
-When they returned to the town, Mother Superior was dead at the hands of a thief that Morrigan had convinced everyone to spare earlier.
-Morrigan goes nuts and nearly kills the guy.
-The thief gets killed by Sel'zanath who reacts without thinking. His friend skedaddles when Morrigan threatens to kill him in seconds if he's still in town.
-Chick is cured of the Spell Plague, and after a chat with Morrigan agrees to take on the responsibility of running the church and orphanage until Morrigan can either return to do it herself or can find a suitable replacement.
-The group head off to the next country of Germaly, where things are hands-down the craziest stuff ever. The location of the next pillar is there.

They spend the night in the port town where the inn gives the patrons complimentary plush robes and you pay by swirling a glass of sherry constantly. Don't drink it, though. They're always watching. Matthias somehow convinces Morrigan to share a room with him, and unknown to her asks for the biggest room in the place.
Of course, it's a honeymoon suite.
As retaliation, Morrigan locks herself in the bathroom, and with the help of Eris (she's a rogue, after all) booby-traps the door quite effectively. She sleeps in the rather comfy tub all night.

When they leave the next morning, Matthias is still unconscious against the far wall from triggering the traps. Kaelin has managed to lose himself and is nowhere to be found. So the others continue on without them, since everyone knows to head to the pillar anyway. The country of Germaly is relatively small, so it doesn't take long to reach an 85-foot high wall that seems to block any path to the pillar. When they do find a door inside, they're greeted by a man in incredibly tight pants, a shirt that is open a little at the chest, and a very nice scarf. He directs them down the hallway after telling the party that this is a toll wall.
The toll? They must perform a play.

The play to which they are assigned is called Skullcrusher Mountain. It is a three-act musical romantic comedy. The main cast is composed of five members:
Rosencrantz, a bard played by Matthias who comes to Skullcrusher Mountain and falls in love with one of its residents. He stalks her in a creepy way, convincing his friend that they're only there for the Three-Horned Pidgeon of Parnassus.
Billy Joel is Rosencrantz's childhood friend and protector, played by Sel'zanath (who thinks this whole thing is a load of crap). He doesn't believe in the Three-Horned Pidgeon of Parnassus, but won't leave his friend. He later dies in a fight with the Three-Horned Pidgeon of Parnassus because of a cheap knock-off weapon he bought that was sold to him by...
Serial, who is played by Eris. She is a slightly crazy and gothy merchant who sells cheap knock-offs of magical items and weapons. It is her that convinces Billy Joel to buy the weapon that results in his death.
Alan is a cleric who is, rather obviously, played by Morrigan. She is the object Rosencrantz's frightening affections. She runs a flower shop in town and cares for orphans. She is completely oblivious to the advances made on her.
Howard is a mad scientist who kidnaps Alan and just wants to see the world consumed by a conflagration of his design. He is, of course, played by Kaelin.

Bob, in a quest to make the game more interesting for everyone, has found a way to work the game Rockband in with D&D. It is a game within a game and if that sounds complicated, it could become that very quickly. We all have lines that we need to memorize, and if we don't we could end up failing the play. And as the audience is composed entirely of theatre-going monsters of terrible strength and aberrant nature, ruining the play pretty much results in death.
Fortunately for us, if we forget a line or flub a song we can try and bluff our way through it, but there's still a chance we'll fail the check.

Here's the song lineup for the play (links to the lyrics):
Matthias: I Get By (Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives)
Kaelin: Skullcrusher Mountain (Jonathan Coulton)
Sel'Zanath: Margaritaville (Jimmy Buffet)
Eris: All-Star (Smashmouth)
Morrigan: Just a Girl (No Doubt)

This is going to get very interesting.

You know, it's not easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain.
So maybe you could cut me just a little slack?
Would it kill you to be civil?
I've been patient, I've been gracious,
And this mountain is covered with wolves.
Hear them howling, my hungry children?
Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you.
Oh, and I'm so into you,
But I'm way too smart for you.
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy,
I'm not surprised that you agree.
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You'd see that the voices that control me from inside my head
Tell me I shouldn't kill you yet.
I shouldn't kill you yet.
I shouldn't kill you yet.
~Skullcrusher Mountain

3 comments:

Roxie said...

YOu guys are having way too much fun! Keep it up. And keep us updated. Does someone get roses at the curtain call?

Donna Lee said...

I'd get killed by the audience. I'd have a hard time remembering all the lyrics.

Kate said...

I don't think we get roses Roxie, though I think we'd all be happy just to get to the pillar alive!