Have you ever woken up with a stomach like a stone and a feeling of dread that your day is going to be a roller coaster ride of misery? I spent most of my day like that.
Which, as it turned out, was just some intestinal distress that passed shortly after lunch.

I have spent all week at work feeling rather miserable because I had some kind of throat infection thing going on, but I couldn't afford the doctor's visit without insurance ($84 just for the visit, not including any medication he might has prescribed). The dry pain in my throat kept me waking up quite often during the night, which made me very tired by the time I had to get up and trudge off to work. I have opened every day so far this week, but today I close. That's going to be misery in itself, and I'll talk about that soon. So, having the morning off today, I fell asleep around 9 last night, woke up for about half an hour when Patrick came home from work, and then fell dead asleep until about 9 this morning. I can't stress how nice it is to get real, unobstructed sleep. Also, when I woke up this morning, my throat wasn't hurting and it seems my 'thing' has devolved into a small, slightly congested cold. That I can handle.
Closing tonight is going to be... an ordeal. I highly doubt I am going to get out before 11:30. Most likely closer to 12. This is because the new Twilight movie came out today, and it's a Friday and we're going to be flooded with pre-teens, teenagers, and moms who are all going to or coming from the movies. I know Matt isn't going to be prepared for all the extra business in addition to our regular rush. I know it for a fact, because when I mentioned yesterday to him how busy we're going to be tonight, he looked at me mutely for a minute and then promptly ignored my warnings. My shift is not going to be fun. At all. At least I'm off all weekend.

On her blog, my mom was talking about when and where is it appropriate to knit? I don't knit at work. I can't, plain and simple. And that's okay, I don't want to give someone a scarf that smells like pizza. I used to knit at D&D on Monday nights, but that was when our group was still getting comfortable with each other and our characters, and sessions moved slowly as people learned their powers and skills. But now that we've whittled the group down and everyone is used to the way things work, encounters move faster and as the main healer of the group, I need to pay a lot of attention to my fellow adventurers. And sometimes knitting even plain stockinette stitch takes too much focus away from where it needs to be. And that's fine.
I knit mostly at home in bed, and sometimes when my friends and I are having a casual hangout. I used to knit when we visited Patrick's mom, but with the addition of needy dogs that weigh as much as I do, I had to put it away. I get teased for my knitting at work most of the time if I have it with me because I'm going out right afterward or something, and while it doesn't really get under my skin it annoys me that they feel the need to pick on me for that. Jeeze. It's bad enough I get all kinds of jokes about not watching TV. "Hey Kate, do you watch [insert popular show here]? Oh, wait, right, you don't have a TV."
It's really bothersome that they automatically equate "does not watch TV" with "does not own TV." I do own one. It's attached to my PS2. No, no cable. No satellite. No rabbit ears. Just a game system and at one point, a DVD player. That's all. I do not feel the need to have my existence proven to me by being able to gasp about the latest Gray's Anatomy episode or laugh at the guy who sang so badly on American Idol. But I've gone over this particular point of anger before.

My knitting hasn't happened lately. I actually haven't picked up the needles in almost a week. I've been too tired at the end of the day to do anything more than stare at the lovely cream alpaca that Dan's scarf is made out of in hopelessness and sigh as I lay back and let the kinks pop loudly out of my back.
Speaking of kinked backs, does anyone know a good way to keep my spine from compressing while I'm at work? I'm standing in approximately three positions for six or seven hours a day, all day, and while my Danskos help a lot with back pain, they can't do away with all of it. And I can't stop and do a ten-minute stretch routine every hour, either. I stretch in the mornings, and before I go to bed, but other than that, any tips? Or maybe some helpful hints on a back rub solution that will ease my muscles back into shape at the end of the day without requiring Patrick to knead them to death?

A lullaby for you
Hoshi wa kanarazu kagayaku kara
May tomorrow be wonderful too
Itsuka wa idaku kibou ga aru kara
Te saguri no yami demo, hitori ja nai
A lullaby for you
I know the stars will keep shining
May tomorrow be wonderful too
We'll find our hope someday
And even in the dark, we're not alone

~JYONGRI, Lullaby for You


Donna Lee said...

I get that "oh right,you don't have a tv" thing all the time. The sad part is that people equate television watching with social skills. I can't have anything to say if I don't have a television to watch.

And I'm glad you're feeling better.

Roxie said...

"You survive without my favorite opiate? You must be hella strong. I have to demean you so I don't feel too puny in comparison." "You have an uncommon interest? I'll belittle it to make myself feel better for being so unexceptional."

People are, for the most part, small and self-centered. Anyone who is happy with their life doesn't need to diminish someone else. If you can, pity them. If you can't pity them, piss on 'em!

SO glad you're starting to feel better. Bless your dear heart. Poverty sucks!